I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Iām pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
