Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
