So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
