"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
