So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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