this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
