so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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