I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
