So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
