Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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