So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
