you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
