I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
