We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
