What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
