the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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