i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
