Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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