So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
