I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
