i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You made out with two different species that night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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