The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
