Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
