I just saw a hot homeless man
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
