i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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