I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
