in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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