Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
