I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
