saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
