We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
