Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
