she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
