Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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