fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
