your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
