problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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