FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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