Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
