So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
