So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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