Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
