How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
