I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
