Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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