I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
