Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
