3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
