It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I fill condoms, not promises.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
