I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
