It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
