Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
