So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
