I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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