so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
