last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
