omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
