Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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